Why Put Yourself First – Have It Before You Give It

What happens when you put yourself first and your loved ones after that?

Does that mean you are selfish? No, my dear, you are not.

Maybe you may think this way because you were raised this way by the people close to you. Possibly, you had received messages while you were attending religious tradition talks when you were growing up.

And that was all about the importance of serving others by showing compassion and empathy.

We all should become givers as it is a pivotal part of humanity because that’s why it was utter to you. But it is also essential to know that people who have delivered them to you had noble intentions.

Their objective was to transform you into a good character. Someone who helps and understands others as humanity needs it.

But if you took that to heart to an extreme like most of us do, then you might have become someone who majorly focuses on others.

Where you always put other people first and put your wants on the back burner. There’s nothing wrong with that on the surface, but it’s not sustainable in the long run.

When you put others’ needs ahead of your ambitions, passions, and interests, it all comes back to bite you.

It is crucial to put yourself first because if you don’t then you feel unfinished within since you’ve never shown yourself enough love by giving things that make you more of who you are.

With this mindset, you lose yourself and your people.

You begin by gradually losing yourself each day. You start by scarifying yourself to please others while ignoring your list of needs. 

And that list may include:

The class you would want to join for career or self-development growth.

Adventure trips with friends or alone.

Books you want to read.

Maybe simply just sitting by yourself and the list goes on and on.

However, you are neglecting it, possibly because you are too preoccupied with your family or friends. And you do not get time for it as you are busy fulfilling their needs.

You do this because you believe it is OK to scarify your happiness to make others happy. 

You think that to make people happy, you must give up what you like, how you want to be, and what you desire. But you are unaware that it is steadily killing you. You lose yourself while pleasing others. 

And if you keep doing it because you think or believe this is what you should do, you will end up in trouble.

It is almost noble to put oneself aside and put your happiness aside to please your children, family, parents, friends, or spouse.

After all, you want to make them happy, after all. It is understandable, but it is not worth it. Do you understand why it is this way?

Please understand this: when you sacrifice your wants, needs, and desires, you send indications to others that you do not want them.

That is because you give up on your heart’s desires so comfortably that those around you believe you do not even need a small piece of them.

They have no idea you are putting all of that aside for them because you have never expressed or communicated with them. It appears that you are unconcerned about it or that it is not high on your priority list.

Then what they probably do is reason in their heads that you do not want to do this in the first place.

After that, they might not even care or be bothered. Because you have already said it in your words or through an action that is unimportant to you, by showing you do not really need it or matter to you much.

Which made them feel like you do not care that much about your desire.

What you are essentially doing is displaying false values and portraying a character who is not you. When you do this, you tear up your relationships and harm them more often than help them.

When you only keep giving to others, first you break relationships with yourself and then with others. 

Because your primary focus was on meeting the needs of others, you refused to acknowledge your own. And you just might have noticed several times that something is missing in your life while you were busy offering others. 

You have probably realized that your life feels incomplete even when the outside world appears to be perfect.

When everyone was as super pleased as you desired them to be, and at the same time, you were feeling that something was missing. What do you think? What was that?

You know it was nothing other than your heart was whispering your desires to you. 

The issue is that you believe that ignoring your heart’s desire and simply doing for others will benefit or make them happy. In reality, even after that, you frequently end up hurting them, including yourselves in the final analysis.

Understand this way:

When on the airplane, there are safety instructions about oxygen masks. They always tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others. That also means, even if your child is sitting next to you, help yourselves first. 

Yes, that does sound very mean. Because, of course, you will say, “No, I will help the child,” because it is a noble responsibility to put the child first. Like a good character, you should do that and save the child first.

Besides that, you must understand why they have instructed in this manner. How can you take care of others? Unless you are in a stable position to help others.

How can you assist someone if you do not help yourself? And if you still choose to help your child first, then what will happen is: you are probably going to die and maybe your child too.

That is because you did not take the time to put yourself in a position or state of mind to assist others.

And one excellent way to deal with this is to “COMMUNICATE.”

If you want to please people and make them happy, stop pushing yourself aside. It is indeed good, to be honest with oneself and say things as they are. Have the courage to deal with the consequences as well.

You have one thing called language that allows you to communicate with people. You figure out what is not working for you, and then you can talk to them about it.

And you do not be concerned about priorities as that can be equally balanced out anyways. In the worst-case scenario, what will happen is you may become separated from them or do not spend as much time as they used to.

But, look, if you’re not true to yourself, it doesn’t matter how much they like you, because they don’t. Do you see what I mean? Because they prefer a false or fake you, they appreciate you under certain circumstances rather than who you certainly are.

When you engage in this type of behavior, you begin to cause more harm than good. You give up your happiness to make other people happy so that you can be noble, look good, and establish relationships.

But please stop putting yourself away right now because you are harming your people and yourself too. Stop being so noble and put on one oxygen mask over you first before on others.

Then only you will be able to assist others to the best of your ability. You will be able to strengthen those bonds. Now you know that you can always fix problems by communicating.

And whatever result comes out of that, it will be good and healthy for you. That is just how you build a good relationship, not by avoiding yourself or sacrificing your authenticity.

That’s also how you show self-love by simply being yourself. 

Why is self-love not selfish?

Sometimes when you feel like taking care. Maybe you desire to spend time with yourself. But you don’t feel like taking action because you are feeling guilty about it.

Since you believe it is selfish, but it is not and defined as self-love.

You may also be hesitant to request even a single day for yourself because you are concerned about what your children will do.

What would my spouse do without me? Can I leave them alone? And is it not selfish to want more time for myself? And the answer is no, it is not considered selfishness. 

Unconditional love for yourself leads to a stronger presence and a better example.

When you begin to take care of yourself, your energy, and show unconditional love to yourself. That’s when you make yourself feel cantered, present in the moment, and confidence comes from within yourself.

Then only you present an authentic version of yourself to others. So, if you want to help others, you must first improve yourself.

It is also critical to master self-care and self-love. Because when you feel good about yourself, you will act differently in front of your family and friends.

Maybe you like to meditate in the morning, or you would like to have a cup of tea by yourself, or whatever it takes to center you.

It is better you do it because it will bring you into the present moment and will cause you to appear differently to your people.

Like if you ever feel like getting away from everyone, including your family, do it. There’s nothing wrong with that because if that voice comes from your heart, it means you are disconnected from yourself.

And how can you connect with your people or anyone else if you are disconnected from yourself? You may have had a stressful week or month, which is why you are feeling this way.

Don’t feel guilty about it because it’s necessary to take a break and, for sure, it will benefit you and others too. Ask it and take it off.

You will notice that you have a lot more to give to your family and friends after that. That is why taking care of yourself leads to a better relationship.

You also set a better example because you are more present and in-tune with yourself. You are more present with the people around you.

And not showing up out of stress or exhaustion, which is extremely important.

True self-love is often characterised by quiet confidence.

Self-love is a quiet aura that you are just in tune with yourself. What I mean is imagine you are sitting in a room where there is a group of great people, and you are still confident enough to talk to them.

That is because you don’t judge yourself with what if I go wrong or what they will think about if I go wrong. It is quite a confidence where you own your weaknesses and flaws.

That is what is known as loving yourself unconditionally. It is necessary that you feel OK with yourself and love by accepting who you are.

When you do this, you feel good about yourself. And when you have that quiet confidence, you are more open to vulnerability, which leads to deeper connections.

As a result, it is critical to begin loving yourself. You must take that time or spend some time alone with yourself. Also, for enhancing your inner character or inner core of who you are.

You overflow your cup first in order to help others.

When you take time for yourself, you fill your cup with energy to give to others. Overflowing your cup denotes an abundance of energy pouring out of you.

If you do it intending to help others, you are practicing self-love, not selfishness. You’re doing it to look better in front of your partner, children, or friends.

When you do it intending to display the best version of yourself as you want to do good in the world, that voice comes from self-love.

There’s nothing wrong with it when you say, “I want that time for myself because I want more money, fame, and so on.”

However, if you do it solely with the intent of getting more out of life or taking more without giving anything back to others. That is when you put on your self-serving mask.

And when you do it with the intention of, say, “I want to take care of myself, feel great about myself, and want to be a different person for my people,” you get a different result.

That’s the noble way to love yourself and to make time for yourself. You also don’t have to feel guilty about it.

  • True self-love occurs when there is a desire to help others.
  • Fake self-love occurs when there is a desire to be better than others.

We are all humans, and no one can be superior or inferior to another. It means that your worth can never rise or fall.

When attempting to be superior to others, however, this is a different type of energy. That’s when self-love turns selfish.

When you live your best life, you encourage others to follow in your footsteps.

Living your purpose, living your dreams, living your best life, and feeling good about yourself is an act of self-love. Choosing to live your dream life is an act of self-love.

You feel better and behave differently in your own and other people’s lives when you decide to pursue your dreams. Living the life you want is an act of self-love, not selfishness.

Because you are inspiring others to do the same, others will follow your example. They all live their lives in the same way.

More people who are living their dreams are needed. It will assist others in going about their daily lives, which will affect others. It is not selfish to take care of yourself and prioritize your self-love.

But the reality is you become a better leader for others. You set a different and improved example for others to follow. You motivate them to live their lives to the fullest.

Time to put yourself first
It is beneficial to practice the following to serve others better:
  • Make sure you have plenty of energy,
  • That you are content and that you have a positive attitude.
  • Put yourself first before helping others.
  • And make sure you’re getting enough fuel, energy, and nurturing.

When you prioritize yourself, you inspire and set a standard for those around you. When you pursue your interests, desires, and passions, you inspire others to do the same.

Affirmations can help you to strengthen all of this and also draw your attention to it. There are times when you find yourself in situations where you refuse to put yourself first, even if it gives you pleasure.

When you feel you don’t deserve what you want, This may change your behavior:
  • Putting myself first is the most effective way to serve others.
  • I attend and take care of myself because I deserve it.
  • I am worthy of self-love and serving my own needs.
  • When I take care of my own needs, I have more energy to help others.

Do you see how accurate that is? This isn’t just a story you are making up for yourself, but this is the truth.

If you are depleted, if you are pushing down your interests and putting things off because you must cater to your children, partner, spouse, community, and so on.

And if everyone else is the focus of you delivering value and service, but you are excluded from those equations, you will deplete yourself.

You will become frustrated and may not even know why, but there will be a sense of unfulfillment and apathy. What is the purpose of all this?

It is not as if you should stop serving other people’s needs and put yourself first. It is an attributed quality to be aware of when someone requires assistance and to be available to them.

But make sure you take the time to nurture yourself. Make sure you get enough rest, nutrition, exercise, and scratch all of your creative itches.

Time to take the class you’ve always wanted to take, and go on the trip you’ve always wanted to go on. Stop putting things off because it will fill you up.

It will fuel and energize you, which will allow you to be more focused on doing good in the world. Nurturing yourself is the most caring thing that you do for everyone. When you pay attention to your insight, inspiration, and make sure those things are pleasing.

You become a positive influence on others. Moreover, you certainly get satisfaction from serving others. You see, it’s become like a circular transaction that feeds itself and grows.

As a result, it is critical to answering these questions before your day ends or at least within a week.

Just be mindful of these and put yourself first:

To what degree do you serve others?

And How often do you put yourself first?

How repeatedly do these things happen at the same time?

Do you find yourself denying yourself pleasures and desires that appear to be calling you from a higher realm?

And gradually alter your behavior to ensure that your needs as well are met.

Put yourself first from time to time because it will provide you with fuel, energy, and fulfillment. It is essential to serve humanity, or at least the small portion of it over which you have control.

I hope this information is clear to you and that you can apply it to your specific situation, life, and circumstances.

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